Dear Collin~

You had your six month check-up today. (I still can't believe you are halfway to a birthday!) You are now 14lbs 1oz, and 26 1/2 inches. 54% for height, but only 3% for weight. You're catching up, though! Dr. Neace was amazed out how advanced your motor skills were, considering you've always been behind in everything. You didn't quite sit up for her, but you practically crawled when she put you on your belly! She's predicting that you will start crawling in the next six weeks, and pulling yourself up not long after that. She also said that, although we have to keep you on your medicine and special formula, we can start feeding you cereal! You are growing up so fast, little man. Before we know it you'll be following Daddy around wanting to do everything he does. You already can't take your eyes off of him when he gets home from work. I love that you adore him, and I love watching you two together. Last night Daddy was getting you ready for your bath and had you on our bed, bouncing on your back. You were actually giggling and kicking, I had never seen you laugh so much! You have a great Dad to grow up with.

You also had your first shots today. You cried, but only until I picked you back up. I can tell you are a lot more tired than usual, though, and grumpy. Which translates to a messy house, late dinner, and lots of cuddle time. It's a trade off I'm not at all unhappy about. :) I should get things done while you're sleeping, but I had to write you a note to remember today. It is so bittersweet to watch you grow. You have been through so much, so many ups and downs, and caused us many, many sleepless night. I'll never forget waiting for you to be born and wondering if you would be ok, and being so thankful you were, and then the whole new world of preemies, and the nights of 20 minutes of sleep at a time. I'm glad you're doing so much better, but I miss my tiny boy! I loved every minute of it, well maybe not the sleepless nights, but it is going by too fast! I just want to kiss your cheeks and hold you tight until I know for sure you'll always know how much we love you. I pray that you will continue to grow healthy until there are no more worries (although I'm sure I"ll find something to worry about :) ) and more importantly, that you will grown into a Godly little boy. Love you, Buddy.

6 months old!

Yesterday was a big day. Collin turned six months old! I can hardly believe it. We had pictures yesterday, and he was so happy and content. He actually fell asleep towards the end! I am so thankful for how he is doing. I really wondered in the first few months whether he would be ok, or if we would have a fussy baby turn into a fussy toddler. But he is amazing! He loves being on a schedule, too. He's sleeping from 8:00pm to 8:00am, waking up to eat once around 10:00pm. He's also taking a 2 1/2 hour morning nap, and a pretty long afternoon nap, and then another cat nap either between his naps or in the evening. He's eating better, as well, and hopefully we'll be starting cereal in the next few weeks. He has a check-up tomorrow so we'll see how much he's grown and how he's doing. I want to be able to wean him off his medicine soon, but that probably won't happen for a while. In the space of one week, he has a teeny tiny tooth, he is rolling over, and now sitting up!!! Although he tips over very easily, I am shocked! He's been so behind I thought for sure he wouldn't sit up for at least another month. I don't know if I'm ready for this stage yet!

Ellie has been having more ups and downs. She does pretty good when we stay at home or keep our outings to one errand at a time. But when we're out, she seems to forget everything she knows and I never know what she'll do. Which means she's learned the actions of obeying but not the attitude. Not what I'm looking for! So I'm back to reading my Todderwise books and praying and brainstorming. She is still doing really good with Collin. It helps that he adores her and reaches for her all the time. If he needs to be woken up for any reason I always send Ellie in first; he'll fuss if anyone else wakes him up but if he sees his sister first, he's all smiles!

We finished the playroom yesterday. All of their toys are downstairs now. I haven't quite figured out what to do about toys that are too small for Collin. I need to figure it out soon, though, since he is starting to roll around to get where he wants. Ellie LOVES it, although she is a little confused why she does room time somewhere other than her room. We also cleaned her room and it is ready for Collin to move in this weekend. She's excited, and I'm nervous! The afternoon nap is going to be the hard one, since Collin goes down a little later than she does and sometimes fusses in the middle of his nap as well. I really need to work on getting Ellie to sleep in our bed occasionally so we have that option if either is having a bad day.

Well room time is over and I hear Collin chattering. Not sure what I'm going to do with TWO chatterboxes! Maybe they can listen to each other.

This morning's conversation with Ellie: "Mom, when Collin's big, he can have a bagel, like Ellie!"
"Yes, he can!"
"And he can have cereals, and animal crackers, and broccolis. Oh! He can have a blue ballerina skirt, Mommy! We need to go get him one!"
Trying not to laugh... "Honi, Collin's a boy, he doesn't wear blue skirts."
"Oh, yeah, he needs a pink one."
I gave up trying not to laugh!

Collin is officially sleeping through the night now! Last night he slept 11 1/2 hrs. Sleep, how I've missed thee! And just in time, since Aunt Hesedel gets back in two weeks and he will be moving into Ellie's room. We're working on turning the downstairs front room, which is currently a pile of...stuff...into a playroom and moving all of the toys out of their bedroom. I'm not sure how Ellie will do, since she really enjoys her room time everyday. I know some people might think I'm hard on her, making her play on her own, but I think it's so important that she learns to entertain herself. Not only that, she is so energetic that she needs time to wind down sometimes, and I definitely need a break from playing 20 questions and "look, Mom!" I know there's not magic schedule that will produce perfect kids, but I've noticed that the days without her room time tend to be more frustrating for both of us. I really need to start Collin on a few minutes of 'alone' time, too. By this age I think Ellie was up to twenty minutes of playing on her own. She was also sitting and rolling, though, and Collin gets frustrated at being in the same spot for long.

And speaking of schedules, we are finally getting settled into a good routine. Collin's sleeping is finally settling down into two long naps and one evening catnap. I don't quite have the two of them napping at the same time yet, but I'm working on it! Maybe once they are I can stay caught up on laundry...yeah, right! I think I'm going to die with unfolded laundry! I am so excited for Hesedel to be home! Of course for many more reasons than help with the laundry. It's so nice not to be alone when Steven is traveling. And I love having her around to talk to and listen to during the day. Let's face it, only having a two year old to converse with gets a little old after a while. Although I do enjoy our conversations, both the serious ones and funny ones. I miss watching NCIS and Bones together and squealing like little girls. And having someone to grocery shop with, and go to Cheesecake factory, and someone to walk with. I even miss her teasing, although I'd never admit it to her. I almost miss her telling me to relax when I'm frustrated, although being told that sometimes frustrates me more. Mostly I just miss having her around!

So random, or maybe not, but I really miss my tiny Collin. I'm relieved that he's growing and I love this stage he's in. But the brand new baby stage is still my favorite. My cousin and his wife had a baby this week, and I don't really know them and have never met their girls, but it made me want another one so badly. I don't think I really do, Steven definitely doesn't right now, and neither of us wants to even think about going back to sleepless nights! But I'm afraid I'm going to get the baby bug really soon. I don't want any more tho, until I know I can keep up with Ellie and Collin's discipline, and have time for each of them. I know it wouldn't be fair to either of them right now. I want them to be able to grow up and remember that I had time for them. Ellie and I have been reading (over and over and over...) a book called "Let's Go On a Mommy Date." It's her favorite right now, and it reminds me how important it is for her that I stop and play with her, and get to know her. And soon Collin will need that, too! Sometimes we actually go on 'dates,' to run errands, or go to the bookstore or library or the park. Steven takes her to the zoo when he has a Saturday off, and she loves time with "just Ellie." So I guess #3 will have to wait. But someday...

Dear Ellie~

My wonderful, crazy, dancing tomboy. You are so funny these days. You dance everywhere, maybe you've forgotten how to walk? You sing most of what you say. You sound like you're at least five, and I keep having to remind myself that yes, you are two, and you will act two! You want to do everything yourself. We have to remind you sometimes, but you're pretty good at asking politely. You're amazing with your 'please' and 'thank you's. You still sleep very well at night and take a long nap in the afternoons. If you start getting tired, you ask for lunch and a nap. :) Your favorite things are reading, ballet, and princesses. You also like to pretend a lot.

Your favorite book right now is "Let's Go On a Mommy Date." I know I haven't been spending as much time with you as we want. You are amazingly patient, though. I love the times when we can leave, just you and me, and go play at the park or run errands together. Your commentary on what we do always makes me laugh. Your favorite place to go is, oddly, Target. Maybe because Laci works there and we sometimes see her. Or maybe because you get to hold the list. Or because you get to sit in the back of the cart when Collin isn't with us. Or the sticker they give you when we check out. Whatever the reason, we have lots of fun there!

You are the best big sister right now. You tell me Collin is your favorite. You run to check on him every morning and LOVE to "go first" when we get him up. I don't mind at all, because no matter how grumpy he is if we have to wake him up, you are guaranteed to make him smile. It's hard for anyone to stay grumpy when they wake up to your smiling face! Your playtime with Collin everyday makes me so proud. You're very gentle with him, and calmly remind me to be gentle with you and "no getting my hair, buddy!" You're also great at sharing with him. You've even shared Moose and Elephant occasionally, which is amazing to me. They are the two things I've told you you don't have to share, and you still do. I pray that you will always love your baby brother, even when he gets old enough to crawl and take your toys, or follow you around and bug you, or tease you and your friends. You will always be siblings, and I hope you will always be friends.

Another thing I'm proud of you for is your good attitude. We've had a few ups and downs in the last month, mostly it seems because Collin was taking so much of my time that you plain just needed more of Daddy and Mommy. We let you go to Grandma's for a weekend to get some special one on one time and that helped a little, although the transition from Grandpa and Grandma's house of fun back to our normal expectations is always a little frustrating. I've started getting up early so I've had time to clean downstairs and shower and get myself ready for the day, so when you get up I'm not distracted. We've also started doing Bible time every morning as soon as Collin goes down for his nap, and although you sometimes get bored, I know it's helping both of us to have a time set aside to spend with Jesus. You pray, quite well I might add. You go through the list of people you're thankful for, and pray for Uncle Micah "going to be a Marine" and Evan's owie that healed months ago and Aunt Hesedel at work that she'll come home faster. You pray for Collin's tummy not to hurt so he won't cry, and you pray that different friends will come visit us. You are so compassionate and caring. I'm not sure what we're doing at the moment to teach you this, but whatever it is, it's working.

Right now you're watching Kipper, TV time for the day. Then we are going to the library and car wash. I'm sure you'll give me the play by play of "the car's getting a shower" and probably ask to go to the "blue chicken nugget store." I love these days of toddler-hood. I think I'm learning as much as you. I love watching you grown and learn and become the little ballerina-person that you want to be. Just don't grown up too fast, ok?

Dear Collin~

The last two weeks have been huge for you! You are doing so many new things. You discovered your tongue (and much to my chagrin, blowing rasberries!). You are almost rolling over, and almost sitting up. You jump in your jumpey, although it looks more like marching. You reach for people, most of all Ellie. You are going down for your naps with almost no fussing, and taking great naps! You've slept through the night the last two nights, bringing my total nights of sleep since you've been born up to 11. You can now not only grab toys, but get them into your mouth!!! I think that's the accomplishment you are most excited about. You reach for my face and give me slobbery, sweet kisses. That's my favorite. :)

After you lost weight and weren't eating a few weeks ago, we decided to put you on formula. You were not at all happy with us, or the bottle, and screamed and cried and ate hardly anything for about two days. I'm so sorry you had to stop nursing. Grandma came and took Ellie for a few days because you were having such a hard time. But finally you decided you liked the bottle! You started with what little breastmilk I could come up with, since by this point your not eating well had affected my milk supply. After a whole day of being on the bottle, we started mixing in formula and we are now almost on all formula. You are doing so well, and gaining weight again. You are also much happier with a full belly, and sleep bettter, which of course means we are both more pleasant!

When you were born, we got you a blue stuffed puppy. Ellie had been so attatched to her elephant that we figured we'd have something on hand for you. You would much preffer your soft, blue blanket but it usually ends up on your face with you screaming. However, you are not at all interested in the blue puppy! You have decided that you are in love with Ellie's Winnie-the-Pooh. And of course, it's the one with the pink shirt! Daddy's on the hunt for one with a blue shirt, or something that is equally cuddly and squishy. For now, you and the pink bear cuddle together and drift off to sleep peacefully.

I started having you play on your own for a few minutes at a time. So far you do pretty good. I've also started Ellie and Collin time, and reading time. Ellie loves her time with you, although I usually have to be close by in case you get a hold of her hair. She loves reading to you and sharing her tea parties. And so far you don't protest too much :) I really hope you two remain friends for a long time.

You are growing so fast. For a while it felt like time had frozen and you would never sleep or eat or grown. But now that you've started, it's flying by. I'm enjoying most every moment. I love the peace and quiet while you are now sleeping, but I also can't wait for you to wake up and greet me with your dimpled, slobbery smile. I love you, buddy!

So we took Collin to the doctor yesterday morning. He had screamed most of the night and, let's face it, hasn't been eating all that great and was crying when he did. He had gone from 12lbs 12oz 8 days ago, to 12lbs 0.9oz. I never have cried much but this poor baby is turning me into a cry baby. I HATE the feeling of not being able to calm my own little guy, or not being able to do anything about his pain. His doctor increased his medicine to the max dose possible, and now we're waiting to see if it works. If not, she can try one more medication but will probably send him to a gastrologist. I'm dreading that. He would have to go through painful and unpleasant tests. We're praying really, really hard that he's going to be better before that has to happen!

He is, though, such a happy baby when we're not trying to get him to eat. He's in love with his bumbo seat and jumperoo right now. He also LOVES to 'stand' with us holding his hands and arms, and just cracks up every time. Ellie has started to ask if he can cuddle in her bed and they'll just lay there looking at each other or Ellie will read to him.

We went to the library today, Ellie in search of a new Kipper movie and I in search of some books to read that we haven't read yet. We came home with (what else!) a Kipper book, a book about a ballerina, and one about brothers and sisters. Someday I'll venture back to my section, but for now we're sticking to picture books.

Both of them are napping right now, so I should probably take advantage of the quiet and get some cleaning done. I also need to brainstorm about new dicipline tactics for Ellie. Which is a whole different topic...

moments...

Collin had a twenty-minute 'conversation' with the ceiling fan today. He coos and "ooooooooh"s at everything these days. He's also started to give slobery, open mouthed "kisses" when we kiss him. Ellie's not too sure about it, but I love them! His fist is always in his mouth. We got him a jumpey and he loves it, even though he is barely tall enough for it. It works well since he still can't lay flat. Ellie is still his favorite and he'll lay in the beanbag with her forever watching her read. It's my favorite when she 'reads' to him and they 'play' together. He's also starting to hold onto toys and reach for things he wants.

Last week he had croup. It still hasn't cleared up very well, and he had a fever tonight. He's also started fussing and screaming for the occasional feeding again. We'll probably end up back at the doctors later this week. However, he has been sleeping through the night most nights this week! The world is a much better place with sleep... While Aunt Hesedel is gone he is sleeping in her room. He's got six more weeks to be sleeping well before he goes into Ellie's room.

Ellie and I worked on their room and got it all set up for sharing. Ellie LOVES her brother still and runs to see him every morning. She calls him "my buddy" and "the buddy." Or, if he's crying, "Collin Micah like Uncle Micah!" She's big into things that are the same or match. Princess Belle is "Belle like Anabelle." She likes her clothes to match her colors and toys, too. Today we were building towers and I put a block on facing the wrong way, and of course she had to fix it. I'm working on toning this down; I really don't want her to get my obsessive compulsive ways! Her favorite dress right now is a blue, poofy one from Grandma Helen. Apparently she still needs her 'dancing skirt' though; she puts it on under or over everything. She tells us she is a ballerina. If she's not wearing her blue dress or tricycle shirt, she's wearing a leotard and dancing skirt. She actually tries to sleep with her ballet slippers on. (I do dress her appropriately when we leave the house; she's allowed to wear whatever when we're home.)

Dicipline wise, we're flailing a bit. Ellie discovered that if Collin is nursing I can't get to her, so she's been ignoring and looking away. We're working on it... Summer isn't too much fun for me since Aunt Hesedel is gone and Steven travels a lot. I'm eager to have Steven home so we can be a parenting team again. On a happier note, even with the testing and disobedience, Ellie still shares very well, and is kind and considerate. And ever so gentle. She is still reading a lot and would rather read for an hour than anything else. Unless it's dancing. She is doing really, really well with her please and thank yous and asking with a good attitude. She's whining less, too. The phrase "turn your whiney voice off" works a lot better than "stop whining" for some reason.

I was going to write down all the little moments and cuddles we've had but I can't remember them. I really need to get better about writting stuff down. Or I should start photo blogging...hmmmm.....