So we took Collin to the doctor yesterday morning. He had screamed most of the night and, let's face it, hasn't been eating all that great and was crying when he did. He had gone from 12lbs 12oz 8 days ago, to 12lbs 0.9oz. I never have cried much but this poor baby is turning me into a cry baby. I HATE the feeling of not being able to calm my own little guy, or not being able to do anything about his pain. His doctor increased his medicine to the max dose possible, and now we're waiting to see if it works. If not, she can try one more medication but will probably send him to a gastrologist. I'm dreading that. He would have to go through painful and unpleasant tests. We're praying really, really hard that he's going to be better before that has to happen!

He is, though, such a happy baby when we're not trying to get him to eat. He's in love with his bumbo seat and jumperoo right now. He also LOVES to 'stand' with us holding his hands and arms, and just cracks up every time. Ellie has started to ask if he can cuddle in her bed and they'll just lay there looking at each other or Ellie will read to him.

We went to the library today, Ellie in search of a new Kipper movie and I in search of some books to read that we haven't read yet. We came home with (what else!) a Kipper book, a book about a ballerina, and one about brothers and sisters. Someday I'll venture back to my section, but for now we're sticking to picture books.

Both of them are napping right now, so I should probably take advantage of the quiet and get some cleaning done. I also need to brainstorm about new dicipline tactics for Ellie. Which is a whole different topic...

moments...

Collin had a twenty-minute 'conversation' with the ceiling fan today. He coos and "ooooooooh"s at everything these days. He's also started to give slobery, open mouthed "kisses" when we kiss him. Ellie's not too sure about it, but I love them! His fist is always in his mouth. We got him a jumpey and he loves it, even though he is barely tall enough for it. It works well since he still can't lay flat. Ellie is still his favorite and he'll lay in the beanbag with her forever watching her read. It's my favorite when she 'reads' to him and they 'play' together. He's also starting to hold onto toys and reach for things he wants.

Last week he had croup. It still hasn't cleared up very well, and he had a fever tonight. He's also started fussing and screaming for the occasional feeding again. We'll probably end up back at the doctors later this week. However, he has been sleeping through the night most nights this week! The world is a much better place with sleep... While Aunt Hesedel is gone he is sleeping in her room. He's got six more weeks to be sleeping well before he goes into Ellie's room.

Ellie and I worked on their room and got it all set up for sharing. Ellie LOVES her brother still and runs to see him every morning. She calls him "my buddy" and "the buddy." Or, if he's crying, "Collin Micah like Uncle Micah!" She's big into things that are the same or match. Princess Belle is "Belle like Anabelle." She likes her clothes to match her colors and toys, too. Today we were building towers and I put a block on facing the wrong way, and of course she had to fix it. I'm working on toning this down; I really don't want her to get my obsessive compulsive ways! Her favorite dress right now is a blue, poofy one from Grandma Helen. Apparently she still needs her 'dancing skirt' though; she puts it on under or over everything. She tells us she is a ballerina. If she's not wearing her blue dress or tricycle shirt, she's wearing a leotard and dancing skirt. She actually tries to sleep with her ballet slippers on. (I do dress her appropriately when we leave the house; she's allowed to wear whatever when we're home.)

Dicipline wise, we're flailing a bit. Ellie discovered that if Collin is nursing I can't get to her, so she's been ignoring and looking away. We're working on it... Summer isn't too much fun for me since Aunt Hesedel is gone and Steven travels a lot. I'm eager to have Steven home so we can be a parenting team again. On a happier note, even with the testing and disobedience, Ellie still shares very well, and is kind and considerate. And ever so gentle. She is still reading a lot and would rather read for an hour than anything else. Unless it's dancing. She is doing really, really well with her please and thank yous and asking with a good attitude. She's whining less, too. The phrase "turn your whiney voice off" works a lot better than "stop whining" for some reason.

I was going to write down all the little moments and cuddles we've had but I can't remember them. I really need to get better about writting stuff down. Or I should start photo blogging...hmmmm.....

the last month and moments to remember

We've had a crazy few months. Mom came to visit, and Ellie thouroughly enjoyed having Nana around, as did I. By the time she left, even Steven was plotting to offer her a ride to the airport and drive her in the opposite direction. She was such a blessing to have. Not only was she helpful around the house, but I was able trust her with the kids, knowing she would do the same whether we were watching or not. We got more sleep than we had in a long time when she took Collin at night. And she managed to get Ellie pretty much potty trained by the time she left!

Hesedel left to work in Mississippi for the summer. It's odd not having her here. I think I'm talking to myself a lot now. Collin has had many ups and downs, and after a new pediatritian and change in medicine, he's doing better. At 3 months he was 11lbs and 22.75in. I already miss him being so tiny. He's holding up his head amazingly well, and coos and smiles at us. Daddy especially. As of this morning, he also tries to grab at the toys on his playgym, albeit with a closed fist. He's way more of a cuddle bug than Ellie ever was.

Ellie has had quite the repetoire of quotable comments lately. "It'll be great!" "Brilliant!" "Good burp, Collin." "Quite funny." "I'm so proud of me!" "Mom, the baby brother will come out of my tummy soon."
Last fall, she was talking to Aunt Hesedel in jibberish. Hesedel said, "for real, Ellie?" "Yeah, for real!"
Yesterday we were reading Bible stories. I asked her who made the stars. "Daddy did!" "No, silly, God did. Who made the moon?" "Um, Daddy!" "No, God did. Who made Ellie?" "Um...Aunt Kadeshjah?" She would have been a little accurate had she stuck with Daddy.
She's turning out to be a great big sister, despite several sharing frustrations. I love how excited she is when Collin smiles at her, and how he follows her with his eyes.

And that's the end up naptime so I'm off, hopefully for less than a month this time.

Ellie smelled Collin this morning and says, "lovely, Collin! Mommy, Collin need clean diaper. Stinky!" Apparently I shouldn't be so sarcastic around her. We ran random errands today went through Starbucks drive-thru, went to a doctor's appointment. Some days I want to run and hide from the noise and chaos, but days like today I love. In spite of a few attitude issues (when are there not, whether it be Ellie or myself?) and Ellie wearing very un-matched clothing, I love being a mom. I'm so thankful that Steven works hard and, unfortunately long, so that I can stay home with the kids. And I'm thankful that he's such a great Dad when he is home. I'm thankful for God's grace getting me through the days when I'm not sure how to discipline Ellie. I wouldn't change my life. Well, maybe a little more time with my amazing husband. And a few extra hours to sleep or read.

Collin was diagnosed with GERDs yesterday. We suspected something was up besides normal fussiness, but I really wanted to avoid putting him on formula or medication. But he has a mild enough case that he doesn't need to go on formula. And after one night on Zantac, I'm ok with the medicine! After eating at 9:00pm, Collin slept until 1:30am, then 5:15am! I'm not sure we new what to do with so much sleep! I'm still not comfortable with him sleeping in his (un-moving) swing, but in the absence of anything else to keep him propped up it's working. Frustrating situation seems to be under control. And I'm thankful, once again, that my little man doesn't have so many of the problems he could have had.

Nap-time is almost over for another day. Sigh... and smile. :)

two of them, one of me

Somehow, I doubt that the cleanliness of Ellie's room will be a factor in how she turns out. And if I don't manage to vaccum the living room for a few days, nobody is going to die. Nor will my husband be upset if the bed doesn't get made. And who cares if the bathroom isn't sanitized? I do! Two children, who together occupy less space than one adult, and somehow I can't manage to do my own laundry. Not at all what I had imagine my life as a mother to be like. Yet here I sit, wondering why my amazing sister seems to get more of MY work done than I do. Guilty feelings...ugh. Which leads to another guilt-provoking reality of having two children: to spend quality time with one means I'm not with the other. I know, I know, I could read to Ellie while Collin is being fed, but she's quite active and will not sit still for hours of nursing! Somehow, there must be a balance. And somehow, cleaning and laundry and cooking and time with Steven MUST fit in. How? That remains to be seen...



On another note, my sweet and compliant little girl seems to have contracted a whiney-bug with our recent bout with the flu. "Carry me, Mommy!" "I cry..." "nooooooo!" Maybe Collin's crying is contagious. Thankfully she hasn't seen the need to take out my lack of time on him, but on me.

Life with two kids isn't all bad. I LOVE watching Ellie read to her baby brother, I love it when she wants us to 'check him' when he cries, I love when she holds him and gives him 'beep beeps' and kisses. Her first words when she saw him where, "I FOUND HIM!!!!" Screamed, of course, at the top of her lungs. If she has anything to do with it, they'll be best friends. I love that Collin is a cuddly baby. He's the cutest, tiniest little boy. I hope he adores his sister. And I hope they'll adore me. Once I figure out how to be a mommy to both of them.